I Give It Up

Thursday is my CT Scan. It was supposed to be last week, but was moved because my doctor was going away for the holiday. Good for him, he deserves some time away. I’m a little nervous because I’ve been having pain in my leg, in my hip — somewhere that I can’t quite pinpoint for the past month or so. I know I hurt a muscle in it when I twisted my leg to trim my toenails. I had trouble walking for over a week and a half. Thankfully that pain went away.

Yesterday I twisted it again when I fell off the jet ski and my leg was still stuck in the jet ski for a few seconds. I knew I hurt it again. When I finally was able to climb on the boat, my left leg was shaking and weak like it was in shock. It calmed down, but when I got home after sitting in the car for over an hour, I couldn’t put my weight on it to go up the stairs, but I could walk on it. It seemed weak. In the end, though, I have to admit, it was pretty funny — what it must have looked like as I slipped and fell into the freezing water. I can only imagine what anyone who saw it thought about it!

I’m nervous about what may be going on in my pelvis. The pain tells me that the cancer is still a problem. I pray for the right solution to zap this thing once and for all. I hope that my doctor does a major cryoablation like he did in 2012. This one needle zap doesn’t seem to be working holistically. It kills the cells where they zapped, only to have the tumor grow on another side. We need to zap it from all sides and kill it once and for all. And my imagination is running wild. I’ll have pain and when we look at the scan, it’s a very small active area we’re talking about.

I have this worry and fear every three months and my mind makes up all kinds of things. But I remind myself that I trust God’s Plan for me, and I give this worry over to him. So today, I give it up. I’m not giving up. I am giving it up to God.

Always B E L I E V E !

Let me know your thoughts!