It’s been an unexpected month of September and here we are — well into October! I haven’t posted in some time, because I’ve been in the hospital and recovering. It’s really hard for me to be optimistic when I’m struggling with so many things at once. That’s when I don’t write on the blog. I take everything to heart, so thankfully nothing is physically wrong with my ticker!
I used to think that having a “big heart” would make me a better manager and motivator, but that theory is continually proven wrong, so I believe it’s quite the opposite. Okay, I’m being cynical — I don’t really believe that — I believe in people and try to see the good in everyone, even when it hurts.
I know a few people with “big hearts.” I’m not talking about a physical larger heart, but figuratively speaking — it’s having a heart that cares too much, puts others ahead of one’s self (even at your own expense) and is easily persuaded and manipulated. Yep, that’s me and for those of you with big hearts, you know who you are. I’m always trusting, always worried about what others think or are feeling and always vulnerable. I feel personally attacked at times. And then flip the coin — when I hurt someone else, I can’t get over or let go of that either.
A friend and mentor of mine talked me through some things this week, helping me to separate the personal from the facts. It’s having that broad view that makes me realize that this big heart of mine just has too many holes in it. I know I need to let some things go — to accept things for what they are. This week, I felt deceived when presented with some vague story that didn’t make any sense or have any facts. I don’t like conflict, but I’d prefer it over being masterfully manipulated. And then I go through a series of emotions — I’m hurt, then deeply hurt, then resolute, possibly happy, then angry as more details begin to emerge, and finally hurt again.
I need to find perspective.
First, it’s not just about me!
Second, it will only take a few days to dissipate and harmony restored. So I need to relax.
And lastly, and most importantly, it’s just not that significant in the whole scheme of life. So it’s truly a matter of finding perspective. It’s taking this “big heart” of mine and using it to listen to what God is saying to me. I need to quiet myself and hear his words deep within my heart. And then it will be as it should be.
And then smile, because I am physically feeling on top of the world!
Always B E L I E V E !